


the grinch in south park

by erfts



Category: South Park
Genre: this is a crack that i took too far
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 15:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erfts/pseuds/erfts
Summary: the REAL reason why some kids in south park have ears and others don't!originally a shitpost posted on wattpad, but why not add it here;0shoutout to my friend frank who wrote most of the story and actually turned it into being centered around the foreign kids !also shoutout to my friend olli who gave me the idea (and wrote the first chapter I guess jesus)





	1. the book

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for what you are about to read.

there are two types of people in this world.

the biological sexes of male and female, and other biological factors are irrelevant.

there are two types.

edibles and inedibles.

no one knows why.

no one knows who decided who is what.

there seems to be a complex system of decision, but it is too convoluted for a mere human to comprehend.

all we know is the two types of people in this endible and inedible world.


	2. the grinch strikes

One time, long long ago, in the town of South Park, all of the children had ears. All of the children loved their ears deeply, that was until one night.

Stan felt something clenching down on his left ear while he was asleep. Stan mumbled in his sleep, "ugh, Sparky, not now. play later." and rolled over. When the biting did not stop, Stan opened his eyes and saw the most horrible thing he would ever see in his life.

The Grinch was biting his ear, trying to pull it off to put in his sack. Stan screamed, causing the Grinch to pull it off. Stan now only had one ear. He screamed again.  
Quickly, the Grinch picked up Stan's ear with his mouth and chewed a little, and then spit it into the sack of ears. Stan was still screaming, so the Grinch pushed his head down into the bed and ripped off his other ear with his teeth. 

Stan's screams turned into pleads for help, but the Grinch left a bit too early for Randy to catch him nibbling on his very straight child's ears.


	3. the 2 kids with ears and the one without

A few hours later Stan got ready for school, but the most important part of his routine (using tampons as earrings) was no longer needed. Now all Stan had to do was make sure that his ear wax did not melt out during the day. No, we don't want Pip getting excited. Not again.

At the bus stop, Stan noticed that all of his friends were hiding up where their ears used to be. Were their ears gone too?

Kyle spoke up, "So, you guys know that green cookie monster?" Stan was confused, because Stan knew that Kyle knew the Grinch's name.

Eric thought he knew Kyle was talking about, "You mean the one that steals the bread and then raises people's kids?" 

Then suddenly, out of no where, another child (still with ears) ran out of the woods and slapped Eric across the face. "NO! THAT IS JEAN VALJEAN! JEAN VALJEAN DOES NOT EAT EARS! ONLY MARIUS WOULD DO THAT! AND THEN HE WOULD GET YELLED AT BY ENJOLRAS!" 

Then the child started sobbing, and then called out something to the ground. "MOLE!"

Then, another child with ears, popped out of the ground. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT." The dirt child screamed at the crying child.

The crying child fell onto the dirt child and hugged him, still sobbing. "I REMEMBERED ENJOLRAS'S AND GRANTAIRE'S DEATH AGAIN!" 

The dirt child, annoyed, patted the other's back. "There, there, you baby."

The crying child whined, "WHY COULDN'T WE DIE HAND IN HAND, CHRISTOPHE? DO YOU HATE ME?" 

Then, another child appeared, wearing all black. He was neither emo nor goth. He stomped on the ground and opened a hole to Hell. This child had been attacked by the Grinch. "ALL RIGHT YOU TWO, GET YOUR GAY ASSES BACK IN MY ROOM. YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE PLAY DATE!" He then dragged the other two children by the ears that they still had into the hole.

All of the strange children were gone.

Stan and his friends stared at what had just happened. "What the hell." Kyle said.


	4. the news person has a wiw cwush

"IMPORTANT NEWS!" Mr. Garrison yelled at his class as he rolled in on roller skates, and pushing one of those tvs into the classroom. 

He turned on the television and what looked like a gay sex tape appeared on screen. 

"AH! CHILDREN DO NOT LOOK! MY PEE PEE CAN BURN YOUR EYEs!!!!" He yelled again. Everyone in the class turned green but not like the Grinch. Almost everyone got chicken pox.

Mr. Garrison put in a different tape and the news started playing. 

Last night, about 75% percent of our very own South Park children had their ears bitten off, by the one and only Grinch." The news person blushed as he said Grinch.  
Suddenly, the Grinch appeared on screen with the news man. The Grinch started biting his ear, but the man did not get his ears ripped off, and he started moaning with pleasure. Instead, when the Grinch tried to snatch it off, all that happened was a little drop of ear wax melted out of the news persons ear. 

"Oh!" Pip moaned as he saw the ear wax. 

Back to the TV, all of the news man's clothes were being stripped off of him by the Grinch. 

"DAMN IT!" Mr. GArrrison yelled again."WHY DOES THIS TV TURN EVERYTHING INTO A GAY SEX TAPE? I AM NO T GAY!"

Pip asked to go to the restroom, for some "alone" time.


	5. pips "alone" time

Alone, yes he was. He was alone. In the bathroom stalls. That is where he was alone. Alone.

Pip was sitting on the floor of the bathroom stall, using his phone that he had the whole time for something. 

A small 'ding!' went off and he frantically typed something in response to the sound.  
-  
Pip: I'm in the bathroom by mr garrisons room.   
???: okay, we will be right there.  
Pip: k  
-

A few minutes later multiple footsteps were heard entering the bathroom. Pip stood up and unlocked the door, and stepped out because that's what he did can you believe it.

The people outside of the stall were the strange kids from earlier. 

"Thank you for coming, my good dudes." Pip bowed slightly. "Except for you, Christophe, your a French bastard."   
Christophe flipped him off. "Now, Phillip, you really should not hate him just because he is French. I know it is common for us to dislike French people, but we can't live up to stereotypes! We can not be too predictable." Another British fuck said. This one's name was Gregory (he will steal ur bitch) but to save time we are going to be calling him EnjolrasKin. God my ears hurt fuck these stupid Apple earbuds >:(.

The third one that entered the bathroom dabbed. That one is Damien and he has a nanny that sMACKS.

Damien dabbed again but this time he did a flip after it. Christophe and Pip clapped, while EnjolrasKin rolled his eyes because that was very very very very vyer very eyve v eyv vey v immature. 

EnjolrasKin looked at his watch and sighed. "We should have left 2 minutes ago. We are going to be late," he looked at Christophe, "again."  
Christophe flipped him off, too, "I cant tie my shoes and you tie them please" EnjolrasKin sighed again, "fi n e."


	6. sensual shoe tying session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are not calling Gregory enjolraskin anymore I am so sorry:( press f

Damien and Pip had left the room, leaving Gregory and Christophe together.

Gregory bent down and picked up Christophe's laces, examining them. 

"Do you bite the ends of these? Disgusting." Gregory scoffed.

Christophe replied with, "You bite your nails, you have no say in these 'disgusting' acts I do."

 

"Touché."

 

Gregory slowly picked up the other lace and started tying them, muttering a rhyme under his breath.

"Bunny ears, Bunny ears, playing by a tree.  
Criss-crossed the tree, trying to catch me.  
Bunny ears, Bunny ears, jumped into the hole,  
Popped out the other side beautiful and bold."

The French child looked at his friend quizically, "What?"

Gregory looked up, "It is a ryhme my mother taught me."

Christophe lmaoed in his face.

"WHAT? AT LeASt I cAAn TIe mY shOes!!!" Gregory scolded him.

The dirt boy stopped laughing. 

"You know, I could tie your shoes together, Christophe."

"What does that mean?"

Gregory chuckled as he finished tying Christophe's other shoe, "You will find out soon enough, my friend!"

Little did they know, Damien heard this conversation. Christophe walked out of the bathroom and found Pip, but not Damien. 

Gregory had to wash his hands after touching that nasty boy's shoes, and Damien walked up behind Gregory, accidentally scaring him. 

"DaMiEn!WhAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Damien sighed, "Gregory, I know you two haven't come out yet, and that's fine, but I know that you are dating Christophe, and that is a-okay in my eyes. My dad always says I needed gay friends, but little did he know that two of my veyr best friends are, in fact, gay!"

Gregory stared at the demon child in silence, lost. "What are you talking about?"

Damien giggled, "I know your secret! I won't tell anyone"

The blond was confused. Confused as fuck.

"I am not dating Christophe??? He is my friend?? And I am most certainly not gay."

Damien laughed again, "Dude! You totally are gay! I mean, you are wearing perfume and you always CrY when you watch those two guys died together! Very gay indeed! You act like my father!"

Gregory shook his head, "No, Damien, I am not gay! I had a girlfriend once so I can't be gay."

Damien patted Gregory's shoulder, "And now you have a boyfriend! Life is just like that sometimes, dude! You have to embrace the gay!"

They were then interupted by Christophe running back into the bathroom, "BITCHES, COME ON. WE HAVE TO GET TO THE JAIL! NO TIME FOR STEALING A CAR, WE HAVE TO RUN!"

Gregory stared at Christophe, something was different, but that shouldn't matter right now, so the three all ran out of the bathroom and out of the school, finding Pip outside waiting. Now, all four of them were rushing to the jail before it closed. 

They had a plan.


End file.
